Wednesday, April 02, 2008

about a boy

weird and Britishly entertaining. hope-giving and encouraging. throw in a nice soundtrack... :) = happy way to spend the evening.

Monday, March 31, 2008

of pillows, films and transportation

i am extremely excited about my new bicycle. It's all shiny and squeaky and everything cool about being new :). one slight hitch though... scroll down to understand....

i seem to be in an extremely good mood, in a yippa-dee-doo-dah sort of way. i watched the pillowman yesterday. totally gruesome, brutally funny and an excellent work of art. i also got to see adrian up close (but not so personal) so maybe thats where the high-ness is rubbing off from.

Thai Express + B&J ice-cream for dinner. Couldn't ask for a better day =)

the siff is going on. and the blursotong that i am, happened to hear of it only now. which means most of the shows i want to watch are full up. totally sucks. but im determined to go watch something thought provoking (or atleast action provoking). my brain's been on holiday for too long now.

AND THE MOMENT YOU (MORE LIKE I) HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!
The birth of my new bike. I should be going down to purchase it and ride it home this friday. its a year overdue, but unlike carrying babies, these things tend to incubate for longer, especially since their coming into being is dosh-dependant.

other things on my (cheapskate) list of things to do

movie marathon- breakfast at tiffanys, rebel without a cause
create body scrubs out of thin air
paint with my pre-purchased set of paints
kick some balls (read as play sports)
take some awesome photographs, with my new camera (in incubation right now)

alrighty then,
i shall too-da-loo
and goodnight to you!
my dears

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

-ism it unnecessary?

Due to the apparent lack of intellectual activity (in my brain), i have resolved to use more '-isms' in my day to day conversation.

Such random acts of feigned intellectual superiority do work in society. When people don't understand you or your vocabulary, they assume that you are smart. Well, the yuppies at least. There's the other fraction who aren't able to imagine any level of cognition that could be above theirs, and mind you, they barely made it through secondary school (do excuse my vicious generalisations, but for the purpose of writing something i need to enforce a biased view of the world)

Let's move on to the fraction who honestly do believe that their intellectual capacities surpass normal cognition, but unlike the mass ignorant population, they do have academic documentation to prove that their cognitive skills are of a relatively high standard...(aka university students who do a postmortem of life, before it is even over)

For this, we will have to take into consideration how behaviour is usually defined. All the -isms in this world are fabrications of the 'intellectual' mind. I mean, if there were no '-isms' in our vocabulary, arts faculties would be short of a department. Many people would be rendered jobless, and uneducated. In a bizarre -ism less existence, the only probable -ism would be magnetism. Imagine, an existence based on life minus the excessive nepotism, hedonism, perfectionism, asceticism, egalitarianism, dualism, sexism, feminism, rationalism, pluralism. Imagine a simpler society, with a simplified understanding of human thought and behaviour. Imagine the clarity.
It's the complications and definitions that we introduce, that gnaw our souls and distort our perspective, driving us away from life itself. When you concentrate on categorising and analysing the meaning and value of life, you miss out on the experience of life.

Ultimately, knowledge is judged by pens, papers, prints and perception. Which is why books that are published, theses written, debates held and whatever other academic documentation you may find on such topics, are never able to conclude on anything, but add the title 'intellectual' to many a person's ego. But i wonder why waste your time analysing and supposing, or rethinking, when eventually, your brain cells just ran around the block?

Wisdom on the other hand, is experience based. More applicable to survival in life. Sadly, no one seems to grow old enough to achieve true wisdom these days.

My bitchiness has been worn out, so i shall discontinue this pointless purposeless act of posting. As a disclaimer, I do enjoy senseless discussions on seemingly intellectual topics. Although, from experience, by being inconclusive, no one really achieves anything.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

on sleep and such

To Sleep

O soft embalmer of the still midnight,
Shutting, with careful fingers and benign,
Our gloom-pleas'd eyes, embower'd from the light,
Enshaded in forgetfulness divine:
O soothest Sleep! if so it please thee, close
In midst of this thine hymn my willing eyes,
Or wait the "Amen," ere thy poppy throws
Around my bed its lulling charities.
Then save me, or the passed day will shine
Upon my pillow, breeding many woes --
Save me from curious Conscience, that still lords
Its strength for darkness, burrowing like a mole;
Turn the key deftly in the oiled wards,
And seal the hushed Casket of my Soul.

- John Keats


Sleep.
A craving when you're restless.
A balm for your soul.
An elusive state when you desire it most.

Drifting. Away. Unnoticed.
This is me.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

reminiscing

a year ago, i was this person...
http://crazeeinsee.blogspot.com/2006_11_01_archive.html

two years ago, this was me...
http://insee.blogspot.com/2005/10/is-this-where-life-is.html

today... i am...
http://crazeeinsee.blogspot.com/2007/11/overwhelmed.html

it's unsettling when you realise that the world has gone two times around the sun, and you've been missing the ride. if there has been any movement in my life, it's been backward; further away from the dream. the ideas that 'lit a match in my dark head' (to quote the Pi guy), have disappeared. the emotions dissolved. and the carcass is rotting in the depths of my mind. an inanimate being. waiting.

waiting...
waiting to be reincarnated. for blood to run through its veins... for it to be nurtured and grown and cared for. to grow beyond possibilities that exist and that can be seen.

inspiration is like the flame on a match-stick...
instantaneous and fickle.

catch it!
breathe it!
embrace it!

while it lasts...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

overwhelmed

Mood of the moment: overwhelmed consciousness
Song that i can't get rid of: tu bin bataye
Movie on my mind: dil se
Newest infatuation: songs in languages i don't understand
Secretly craving: fulfillment
Wish i were...able to collect my senses and devour them whole

words are too precious. they say too much. in lyric, they are unbearable.
tearing me up. breaking me down. i want to escape; into oblivion.

to a world i can't comprehend. where i can lie, amongst shadows. content. no sensual manifestation. no visual marijuana. and no lyrical epiphany.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Lolita

Mood of the moment:dazed
Song that i can't get rid of:the Harvey Norman ad
Movie on my mind:Pan's labyrinth
Newest infatuation:nausea medication
Secretly craving:serenity
Wish i were...if only i knew.

Walking home today, in front of me was a girl, probably my age, wearing a t-shirt that read "Gothic Lolita". how appalling, and of all statements, i would say that is the most perverse.

but then again, it is a free world. you do/say what you want to for the sake of fashion.

right now, my temperatures boiling, and I've been puking out my lunch. it totally doesn't help that the first thing i see when i get home is a creature resembling Shrek. honestly i do think Shrek is much cooler, but then he doesn't exist. this abominable, race car loving, lard-filled creature does.

I've realised that when things don't really go your way, or when they seem to be totally out of control, you need a face to place the anger on. for a long time now I've been battling my good sense and the sense of necessity and I've realised that ultimately, no one really gives a shit about how you feel. it's about life and how you deal with it. because as human beings, there's no such thing as selflessness. it's a concept. you may think you see it or you may seem to have it, but inevitably, your selflessness is derived from your selfishness. you are selfless because you can't stand to see another person in pain. you are selfless because you feel the pain, the anger and the agony of another. but ultimately, when you respond to your selfless feelings, your actions are selfish. whether you would want to admit it or not, you protect yourself first. ironically, by relieving someone else's pain, you're easing your own. so as human beings, our instinct for survival is the 'self', in a raw, animal-like way.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

death on the road.

Mood of the moment: numbing oblivion
Song that i can't get rid of: aitebar
Movie on my mind: ratatouille
Newest infatuation: pink pills
Secretly craving: a soul
Wish i were... anyone but me.

While crossing the road with the babbling banshee from istana to meridien (i think). a sappy soppy couple gibbering (if its a word) in japanese, decided to make a move onto the road when the signal turned green.... for the cars. Oohs and aahs and somehow they managed to escape unscathed.
but the moral of this almost horrifying and almost squishing incident?...love kills, so look before u leap. (argh! so cliche)

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Insee's top ten songs of all time (according to itunes playback)

1. Because the Night - 10,000 Maniacs
2. In the Deep - Bird York
3. Fix you - Coldplay
4. The Reason - Hoobastank
5. Imagine - John Lennon
6. Can't Stand me now - The Libertines
7. Kabhi Aisa Lagta hai - Lucky Ali
8. Teardrop - Massive Attack
9. Savin' me - Nickelback
10. Run- Snow Patrol

Saturday, June 09, 2007

princess amelie's weekend

Mood of the moment: weird kinda happy
Song that i can't get rid of: tere bin
Movie on my mind: Dil Se ( i realised that it's my favourite Hindi movie of all time :S)
Newest infatuation: nothing new
Secretly craving: SLR camera :(
Wish i were...famous

Time flies when you're having fun.
Unfortunately that's too true.

"You're such a fugitive... but you don't know what you're running from!"
We're running from life. At least at this part of the world. You live life in weeks, not days. Each week being an eternity.

But it's the weekend. The eternity has been worth waiting for. It's like your two days of heaven for the week. All the complain gene's have disappeared. :P

Friday was spent watching models strut some awesome 'designer' wear. Unfortunately the company that we girls kept at the show weren't too keen on the clothes... go figure. The show was brilliant, the colours, the lights, the music and the concept had everything going on. I have a bone to pick with the models though. Half of them really did not know how to walk. They were slanting backwards, (probably trying to maximise their minimal endowments), but that looked totally yuppie like and stole the look from the clothes. I'm sure there are a million local models who would have done a better job... sadly in this place, imported is always better.

After this amazing show we were trying to be all glitzy and glamorous so we went down to Clarke quay so that we could eat. Unfortunately (with the exception of a little fella) our pockets weren't deep enough for these places... so we ended up at bk. Way better than our 'prata' alternative.

Trying to watch a movie after a long work day, 'happening' evening is totally impossible. At such wee hours your brain equals that of a dumb blonde. So no point trying to convince me that this is actually really good shit! maybe another day.

nothing to say and nothing to do.
people at nus seem to sleep a lot :|

Thursday, June 07, 2007

kabhi aisa lagta hai

Mood of the moment: edgy
Song that i can't get rid of: tere bin
Movie on my mind: the prestige
Newest infatuation: Indian/Pakistani music
Secretly craving: chocolate
Wish i were...anywhere but here

So yea, I've rediscovered music. Mostly because I've drained out my music collection on the way to work and back. Honestly i don't know the difference between Hindi and Urdu songs. They sound totally alike, but then again... my language knowledge is pathetic.

So apart from listening to songs i don't really understand, I listen to Arctic Monkeys. My Favourite Worst Nightmare is my latest possession. I plan on stealing the older album from the Babbling Banshee.

My taste in music is temperamental and volatile. I tend to like popular songs. But once they pass the optimum playback number, they eat at me like termites and every time i hear them i feel a part of my brain decay. But then there are the constants. Ultimately, you are defined by these constants. The variables define your mood.

The problem arises when you yourself are very much against the constants in your life. Especially mushrooms. That talk and watch porn. They are parasites. They drive your anger and eat your soul.

Finally you reach the point of maximum tolerance. And then you collapse. Your brain shreds. Your anger becomes your constant. Hatred, your definition. Happiness becomes a mood.

You discover darkness in your mind.
'Crazy' has a new meaning now.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Poignant Pixies

Mood of the moment: stuffed on my own cooking (haha)
Song that i can't get rid of: umbrella
Movie on my mind: pirates 3
Newest infatuation: honey lemon water
Secretly craving: dark mean chocolate
Wish i were...in Greece!

Ever heard of the mushroom. Well, you see, its appearance is rather sporadic, but of late weird as it may seem, it has grown roots. Which is very much against my liking. Anyways, such parasites usually die when they have nothing to feed off.

Pirates were last week. This week who knows. I'd rather sit at home and experiment in the kitchen. Unfortunately this would involve de-weeding the living room which is totally atrocious and almost impossible. I think mcps and mushrooms have a lot in common.

In any case I have half the mind to hire my Pixie friends to strut their stuff and work their charms on this mushroom. Subtlety should work. Unfortunately for me, since its almost summer, the darling Pixies are frolicking somewhere in the south of France. Sigh, if only I were a Pixie.

Last weekend...
Pirates 3 (go figure the full name)
Cafe del Mar: a bit overhyped. Totally inaccesible with no solutions for rain. Plus its freaking dark
The long and pointless week...
Work: those of you who know will know
HOLIDAY!: yes today is a holiday. i choose to be a lazy bum and stay at home the entire day. (more importantly, the house is mushroomless for the moment)

Well,

That's all Folks!

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Sunday, May 20, 2007

suckao it all up!

Mood of the moment: satisfying feeling of contentment
Song that i can't get rid of: fluorescent adolescent
Movie on my mind: zodiac
Newest infatuation: arctic monkeys
Secretly craving: another suckao
Wish i were..."here and now".

The theory of relativity had something to do with energy and speed, and in the mess of all that comes the notion of time travel. Whether it really exists or not is nothing that we can define. I, for one, have visited the future in a dreamlike state. The earth is filled with electric storms and the sky is a perpetually orange. Maybe it was just a subconscious dream, or maybe it was real. I will never really know until it happens.

But in certain instances, such situations are normal. Time travel, i mean. Especially in your imagination. The time travellers wife is a book that carries your emotions across the space-time and life. In a world of fiction, science follows different rules, and impossible is nothing. (quoting Adidas here). There are no words to describe this amazing story, how it captures your heart, and your imagination. The idea is not totally original since movies such as Lake House (and the original Korean movie that it was adapted from) have been in the market for some time. However, the story in itself is so gripping that it becomes your world. Their love becomes yours. Their pain is your pain.

The downside with all good stories is that there is someone out there waiting to make it into a film. Somehow i picture a very emotional and artistic movie to create the right atmosphere for the characters. I have a feeling that this mite not be the case for the movie that is fore casted to be out in 2008. Eric Bana doesn't look my version of Henry, but I'm sure he has the acting skills to pull it off. My concern lies with Rachel McAdam's and her ability to portray Clare as the pivotal character in the story. The novel revolves around Clare, if her character is not up to the mark, the entire story crumbles. Taking a look at McAdam's movie portfolio I'm not too confident of her ability to follow through. But you never know, this mite be her time to shine. For the sake of the book, i hope it is.

Enough banter about non-existent universes. Here and now is what matters. Dinner, for example, with awesome Indian food. And the highlight of the day...? Max Brenner. It's absobloominglutely chocolate heaven. I'm definitely going back there to spend my hard earned $!(Although the Iranian restaurant is next on my list. )

Of all unfortunate events, today i forgot to take my camera. So i don't have fancy pics of the suckao or the cheesecake with cucumber slices or the aphrodisiac that some people decided to try. But nonetheless, there is evidence out there for u to see.

Last week i watched Priceless. It was a good movie, but it didn't quite cut it for me. Amelie still presides over my personality and my heart. Oh my, a freakish coincidence, La Noiyee is playing in the background! I'm contemplating changing the template of this site since i can hardly answer all the questions i ask myself at the start!

Okay...
Hm mm..
So now I've been rendered speechless. My brain is knocking on my skull to inform my body that i need to hit the snooze button. Too much food on my plate today (quoting Jason Mraz) makes me a sleepy, happy girl.

Au revoir
Amelie.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

heralding the weekend

Mood of the moment: okay
Song that i can't get rid of: let go, frou frou
Movie on my mind: PRICELESS (i want to watch it today... its got audrey tatou!!!)
Newest infatuation: everything
Secretly craving: dunkin donuts
Wish i were... travelling around the world.

The weekends here again, but who would have thought i would be spending it with the kubricks. i cant believe how ill my luck has been. but what can be done about all of it now. I wake up with the noise at 930. Saturdays are for sleeping. ****(insert swear word of your choice) to all those who don't agree.

anyways after battling with my pathetic life last week, i have come to realise that you can never compromise on your self. health and happiness are the most important... the best way to cope with the weekday blues is to jump out and do something fun, preferably something that involves exercise. Running, swimming or whatever else u may like to do. I would rather be jet skiing my energy away, unfortunately, that would include a considerable portion of my earnings as well. so for now, being the chic cheapskate that i am, i swim and (try to) run. And boy is that fun. I don't really hate the weekdays that much anymore.

When i have cooler things to say, ill be writing again, any case visit HUMAN SPACE to take a look at things that seem to make sense.

on a lazy Saturday,
i bid you goodbye!

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Awakening. "Under the Crescent Moon"

Mood of the moment: profound awe and wonder of the world we live in
Song that i can't get rid of: Wonderful world, James Morrison
Movie on my mind: Paradise Now
Newest infatuation: Cultural education
Secretly craving: peace. for the world and myself.
Wish i were...making a difference in the world

A long weekend. You would expect the lazy bum attitude from a candidate like me. That definitely is on the agenda buut Friday was to be an inspiring day. I finally went down to the National Museum to take a look on the exhibits from the middle east. Under the Crescent Moon documented the evolution of Arabian and Islamic civilisation. From the nomad to the modern cities. It was more of an urban and architectural study with amazing models made of plasticine, clay and straw. A real eye opener on what it was to be in the middle east then compared to the shattered and torn area it is now.

Life size models of the kasbah were on display. You can see, almost hear, and feel the life that they lived. An amazing experience. When you walk into them there is a sense of peace. The simplicity of the architecture is what brings out its tranquility. Islamic architecture revolves around the Islamic way of life, thereby making space important. The action takes place. The space is merely a container for it.
As each region developed, the concepts were applied, experimentally, to the apartments and city houses. What has evolved today remains to be seen, if there's anything left to be seen at all.

The second part of the exhibition, Nazr, was a photographic documentation of life and culture, past and present in the middle eastern region. It mostly depicted the fall of peace and tranquility. The destruction in Palestine & Beirut... unimaginable. The past carefully documented by scholars to be preserved for mankind to see in the years to come was sitting in the other room, while today's brutal reality was the subject of the installation artwork Strange Bridges Games. Depicting the fall of civilisation during our time. People's lives crumbling along with the buildings they attach their memories to. Lives played with, transformed from hopeful youth to fickle existence. Now they hope for a graceful death; we only see, we hear and we watch.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

learning to breathe on my own

"So I don't want to be the last, I don't want to be the first,
Don't want to be alone with my thoughts tomorrow,
And I don't want to be afraid, don't want to look away,
I'm learning to breathe...

... I just need a hope and a light to follow,
Like sailors look to stars to find their way home,
I'm learning to breathe on my own.
"
Nerina Pallot

"When there's only one way that you can go.
No thoughts. No questions asked.
Dreams do not inspire. They haunt.
Your world is full of people.
But they pass you by.

The only way is forward.
Perhaps the thought could be left for later.
Dreams go on; remembered or not.
Look a little harder.
The people are in your heart."

Its a stupid way to come to terms with growing up. It's easy to depend on other people. There's no easy formula to wisdom or adulthood. Some of us, who have only seen the world with childish eyes can't seem to grasp the depth of real existence. Where accounts must balance. Boring tasks must be done. Excitement is not always an option. Security, feasibility and rationality rule your life.

It is hard for people to suddenly accept these things. It is harder to practice them. There really is no 'stepping' into the real world. Its just out there, waiting, to slap you in the face.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

One of those days again.

Mood: lonely
Song: Sophia. Nerina Pallot
Newest infatuation: nothing actually
Secretly craving: a magical money tree
Wish i were... an intellectual celebrity

I've been having many of these 'one of those days' lately. I guess because the quality of life drastically deteriorates when you start to work. Especially at this part of the world. So ill have to keep trudging along hoping something important will come out of my lonely existence.

Last week was a good one. There was a birthday celebration. Practically everyone is born in march at work. So yea i ended up emptying a good part of my pockets on dinner. But in the end it was fun, and a good way to bond with colleagues.
Friday was ayam pennyet with Babbling Banshee. That was a hilarious. Yummy, freaking spicy but hilarious. We wanted to try out a new place at Orchard. So we went around looking for this shop on the 4th floor. Eventually we just sat down at the first restaurant we saw on the first floor. Too embarrassed to get up and walk around to see if this was the place we intended to go to, my accomplice went out to see if this was the place indeed. Eventually we were satisfied that this was the only place that had ayam pennyet! :)
I think it is my love for food that keeps me going.

So yea, in 8 hours the weekend will be over and the cycle will go on. This week is a four day week. So at least that is something to look forward to. But sri lanka at this time of the year is the place to be. Tomorrow is a holiday, Friday is a holiday, and the week after is avurudu.... Sometimes you wonder why you bother to leave home in the first place.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

something to complain about

Mood:a bit annoyed
Song:some Hindi song
Newest infatuation:water landscaping
Secretly craving:a freaking keyboard that works!
Wish i were...a geek. oh, wait... i am!

Finally i have something to complain about. My keyboard of 4 years has crashed on me. and the 'z' key does not work. So i decide to go out and buy an external keyboard before i can replace the one that's spoilt. trying to be the reformed spender that i should be, i look for a good deal, or so it seemed. I wasted hours at the IT fair thinking it would be worthwhile. But the freaking queues went on for miles. I didn't see the point of spending a whole two hours in a freaking queue just to save 5$. i scooted off to the nearest Harvey Norman and best denki. Sadly, they are too posh to have any brand other than Microsoft or logitech. that brought me to carrefour. There it was, a compact keyboard, most importantly, with a usb port...that doesn't blow the top off your wallet.

BUT, when i plugged it just now, Mr 'e' seems to have a problem. imagine. just for the sake of 'z', a consonant hardly used (except for cadding and photoshop) i bought a keyboard that has a problem with a vowel. Keyboard manufacturers should at least
make sure that all vowels are in working order, if they're too lazy to have proper QC.

English is nglsh without vowels!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

birthday banter

Mood: happy
Song: adios ayer, jose padilla
Newest infatuation:facebook
Secretly craving: ice cream
Wish i were...a billionaire

Simply put, it was a great week.
Plenty of yummy food, thoughtful friends, and throw in a movie, and my life has returned to the normalcy that once existed about a year and a half ago. The best of my uni days.

It takes a bit of pep to get into the real world. To realise that you can make it, even though you have to battle a few rats on the way.

Since i have nothing to complain about today, i have nothing to say. Life is great and its a happy happy day :D

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