utamamadyanista gentien mandala chakra

no i haven't gone crazy.
antisocial. irritated. perhaps angry.
and probably allergic to my room.

paper was not ok.
i write like a ten year old. i look like a thirty year old.
im starting to forget my real age.

i feel very nista now. (people who don't know sanscrit don't bother to ask me. i dont know either.) sigh if only i'd known. guessing aint healthy here.

i wish i was at home. i miss the laid back lifestyle. the rasthyadu and the sweaty heat. it has character.
the air here is filled with dust.
there are so many places i would like to go to. lunuganga. anuradhapura. galle. just stop by any gama on the way. experience a new place.

stop dreaming. that aint gonna happen.

back to real life. i thnk ive become a pretty rustic person. i dont think i had such a strong asian spirit in me before. but it has grown. you learn to love what you miss. and u appreciate it. i wasnt acquainted with the village before, but now i have a longing to know how life would be in it. the stillness of the nite. the peace. mingled with the fear of darkness. oblivion to the rat race. happiness thru the minima. i dont think i can live there forever, but its something id like to know. something away from commercialisation. i wonder if i would be accepted there tho. since i dont exactly look native.

wish there was something new to do.