Saturday, December 10, 2005
...
Song: maybe tomorrow
Newest infatuation: joblessness
Secretly craving: strawberries and chocolate fondue
Wish i were... in sl...
The other day when i was at orchard with S we had this amazing chocolate fondue with strawberries. A totally out of this world experience. I wish the thing was still on.
Apart from food and stuff ive been going on errands for my mom. Gladly id say. The only thing i need to get now is a gift for my art Tchr.
I cant wait to go home. i like being here in the holidays. and im quite used to being without mom and all. i think im finally growing up. i think the fact that they hav broadband now makes it easier for me to cope as well. But theres nothing like going home. Even though im dreading the loss of independance and the fun, or so i might say, its still nice to catch up with old friends. I just hope i can organise something fun. Whitewater rafting with the uni gang would be an awesome experience. I think im definitely going to work on that.
Ok now im going to go do some of the detailing i stayed bak to do. Its about time i started taking life seriously. Ill be working before i even know it. :(
Monday, November 28, 2005
more about me
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Insiyah
2. Insi
3. spider
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. insi
2. insee
3. synusoidal_personality
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. eyes
2. hair
3. smile
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. legs
2. butt
3. tummy
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. death
2. crowds
3. geckos
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. internet
2. phone
3. food
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. beige trousers
2. pink top
3. red slippers
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. radiohead
2. jack johnson
3. blur
and a hell of a lot more...
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS: (for now)
1. Blur- Tender
2. White Christmas
3. The Killers- Mr. Brightside
2 TRUTHS 1 LIE:
I love ice cream i love colours and im crazy about peter andre! (go figure
the lie)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. eyes
2. smile
3. hands
THREE THINGS (BESIDE PHYSICAL) ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPREAL TO YOU
1. attentiveness
2. being considerate
3. intellectual conversation
FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. photography
2. painting
3. shopping
4. sleeping
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. go shopping for shoes
2. get a haircut
3. clean up the mess in my room
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. architecture
2. flying planes
3. travel photographer (my dream job!)
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. turkey
2. greece
3. sibu
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. bungee jumping
2. travel to all the continents
3. get married and have kids
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. i dont brush my hair
2. i dont wear makeup
3. i have a messy room
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. i love pink!
2. i love earrings
3. i cry a lot
THREE (opposite gender) CELEB CRUSHES:
1. adam brody (the OC)
2. orlando bloom
3. matt bellamy (MUSE)
THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
the x, the s and the v
memoirs from kl
Song: mr brightside
Newest infatuation: clubbing
Secretly craving: a decent haircut
Wish i were... a better dancer!
Ok so now im back from malaysia, kl to be more specific, and sipping on a can of coke and reading saving fish from drowning by amy tan. Im planning to get a haircut in the near future and will be gng for harry potter tomoro! But bak to the more important stuff, like what happend in kl! hehe
So day one:
woke up early, took a cab to golden mile and was super excited. The bus ride was long but when your on the way to your holiday destination it doesnt really bug u. We took pics n pics of ourselves, some turned out pretty cool too!
The bus went via second link so immigration was really easy and more importantly, fast...
Finally we arrived in kl, and honestly i was really excited, in a way it felt good to be out of the rigidity and uniformity of singapore. a refreshing change.
First thing we did was buy the tix bak, chek into our rooms and then go eat!! we were so famished! so our first lunch (as u can see) was in lot 10 foodcourt. the food was ok, good but not great, but the best feeling was the fact that we had a choice of what to eat. no more running to the indian and malay stalls only... we could actually eat what we wanted to. so, i had thai (no surprises there). Then as normal huan beings, or girls more like it, we hit the shops. And no doubt each of us had something in our bags! I bought a white belt, somethin id been craving for sometime... the best part, it makes my waist look slightly thinner (cos the belts thin hehe). So thank God for optical illusions.
The next thing we did was get a foot and back massage. It was simply awesome. I felt parts of my feet that i never felt before (cos they hurt!). But it was a great way to get pampered. The back massage was good too. Thank goodness the lady massaged me, else i would hav felt completely awkward.
After a shower and getting dressed, we went bak to lot then to buy the gold bags.The rest of the day/evening we spent at klcc and eventually had dinner (mr teppenyaki, we were too tired to photograph it!) and watched a movie. Valiant, the carrier pigeon... a super british comedy which was amazingly cute at the same time. Definitely knocks the eggs off chicken little. :-p
So for some after dinner fun we went to planet hollywood fer dessert. Amazing yummy ice cream... and we actually danced to a coupla songs before this sudda tried to break our trinity heheh... More accurately, we danced till everyone was off the floor... the dance floor was empty except for a drunken group of friends... hehe...So then we scooted off to our rooms and gossipped, chatted and photoslutted till we dozed off....
The next day S woke up at 8 due to the clock that lives inside of her, and so we were all up and out by abt 930... we had breakfast at the indian coffeeshop place... the teh tarik was really good... :) So , immediately after breakfast, we hit the shops again. This time at BB Plaza. I made my most significant purchase there... earrings!!! Cute and colourful and simply me hehe...!! After a while we went back to klcc, to shop this time. So many cute shops there but i ended up with nothing really... But lunch was nice too.. Arabic, or atleast faux arabic. :-P... After that we did some serious shopping at Isetan, picked up a couple of cute tshirts, fell in love with a jersey jacket that dint fit, and desperately looked for a black top. After the depressing yet funky shopping from there we went bak to lot ten to grab a coupla things we'd seen before. I ended up buyin a black top with red thingies in front. Am gonna wear it for the next clubbing event hehe.
After that we went to the .... market. I cant remember the name of the place, but thats where u can get all the baju kurongs and kebayas. It was nice to see the unglitzy part of kl. it reminded me of pettah. a nicer version tho. We took the bus back to lot 10. The ride was interesting cos it gave us a tour of the central part of kl... very much like fort and pettah. There was some sort of nostalgia. Finally we got off in the middle of the road (something we usually do in lanka land) and dumped our stuff in the room before we headed out again...
Our next destination was times square. At first the place seemed so huge and voluminous, it felt like a waste of space, but once u get used to it you realise that although u can get lost, u feel that u can breathe there. We did a bit of last minit shopping... i bought the black top with sequins... i just love that top! Dinner was at kenny rodgers... nice for a change... We kept feeling the rollercoaster as the whole place was vibrating.. it got a bit irritating... When S n W went to the loo they came across a whole row of restaurants that we simply missed seeing... so we vowed to come bak there the next day for lunch. The last purchase of the day was the pink purse. A bit dirty but hopefully that can be gotten rid of. Or atleast it wont be seen. *fingers crossed* By then we were so freaking tired instead of walking back, we took the train (or monorail). Its this cute little thing that looks like an lrt. So effectively in the day we experienced all forms of kl transport.
Once we were back we rested for a while and waited to get ready to go to zouk. God's kitchen was gonna be playing and although we dint know who the heck the were we were quite excited to go. J J M K n R all came down specifically for this show so it was bound to be a good experience. But, once we were all glitzd up and ready to go there was a traffic jam. Imagine a jam at 1130 in the nite? So naturally we were all pissed off but we ended up having a nice chat with the driver. Finally when we went there, it was a super anticlimax. S forgot her ID and the bouncers were being really strict about entrance. So naturally she got pissed and we all made a detour back to the hotel to get her passport. Lucky for us the cab driver was smart and took us through the highway and so we managed to get bak in half an hour. Apparently they were being strict cos the cops had raided the place the nite before and found lotsa underage ppl. But we dint know this at the time so i guess it was reasonable to get pissed. But one lesson to learn is, go nowhere without id... for clubbin atleast.
But eventually we were in. We bought tix for velvet and zouk, but ended up not going to velvet cos zouk was indeed awesome. It took me about 45 minutes to loosen up but after mr brightside i suddenly felt connected with the music... and after that, it was pure fun. Eventually we went up to the front stage and danced like crazy on that small peice of stage but it was good fun. There were a few hitches like the big fat guy who gave me his namecard, but once that was thrown away, and once J (a guy) litterally gave him the butt the loser dude was outta site. S got smitten for this cute green guy... and took a pic with him. He was cute tho... really quite cute. It was so easy to get lost in the music and everyone was having a great time. I had an awesome time. Never in my life had i felt this comfortable in a club before (not like i'd been clubbing much) but it was like being unleashed. I suppose its the company and the fact that u know no one else but your friends. At the end of it all the dj was throwing out tshirts n cds. R got a tshirt and J got a cd, and i almost got a tshirt, but i got a scratch instead. The arabian dude who was dancing sluttily wit a girl he'd just met snatched the tshirt from me... The effing b!
So the nite eventually ended, everyone had a good time and we went to buy food cos we were freakin hungry. I needed to buy antiseptic too. Finally we came back, showered and hit the sacks. Man were we tired.
The next morning S woke up at 8, as usual, and went back to sleep. I woke up, put meds on my knees and went bak to sleep. The next thing i know it was ten thirty and time to pack. My things were a mess. I had no idea what i had bought and where they were. So it took time to get organised. Finally everything was in the bag. But i had this feeling that i had left something behind. But after checking the room thoroughly, i was satisfied that all my precious shoppin was indeed inside my bag and so we checked out of the rooms.
As promised we went back to times square for lunch, had Baoz paus. I usually dont like paus, but these were really yummy. We had thai steamboat for lunch. We couldnt figure out where the thai part came in, but the steamboat was yummy. I ate till i could burst. After that we went on another round of last minit shopping. I dont think i bought anything. But i was looking for shoes, but i decided to come bak to sing and get a decent pair. I bought more chewing gum and then we were off to get our bags and go to the bus stop.
Our bus was supposed to leave at 330, and boarding began at 3. But at 330 there was still no sign of the bus. We spent our time buying fruits like jumboo, raw mangoes and ambarellas. I had finally satisfied my cravings for these fruits. :) So while i was preoccupied eating all of these yummy things, the bus driver came and escorted us to the road where the bus was waiting. It had gotten late so couldnt get bak in the queue. We boarded the bus, relieved that we were out of the steamy hot and sweaty station.
We were damn tired, after all the shopping and the dancing and the lack of sleep. While i was listning to S's ipod, i dozed off. I remember the moment i dozed off. I could feel my eyes shut, the earplug drop out of my ear and then after that everything was a blank. The next thing i remember is that it was 630 and we were in the middle of a highway with foliage on either side. Wf told us that we had stopped a coupla times but i couldnt remember anything of it. I had been in a deep sleep. In a bus that s a bit bouncy and jerky i must have been really tired to sleep so soundly. It was about an hour before we stopped again, and this time we all needed to pee badly. But yucks, the toilet was the grossest toilet id seen. Even worse than the indian toilets in the remote villages. There was puke everywhere and it smelled terrible. But when u gotta pee u gotta pee. So after that disaster we went to buy our dinner. Burger Ramly it was. Awesome burgers that really tasted healthy. Potato wedges, corn and chik peas to go with it and u have a western meal. But this was really yummy. It was waffles with blueberry and peanut butter fer dessert. We bought some of the fish crackers from the mart and off we went into the bus.
On the way back we jabbered and slept until we came to Johor. It was a messy place. I had no idea where it started and where it ended. We went through immigration which was another debacle, on both sides. In malaysian immigration there was this long messy queue and people kept nudging us to go to the top of it. Its damn pissing off when old men lie to go thru a queue. Especially when they try to get their hands on u. To top things off, S had lost her white card, probly at zouk, and was pissed off already. So that the old lecher got a well desrved peice of her mind. But in the end all was ok and we were out of malaysia. In singapore immigration, just before we entered the building, a siren went off and the place was under red alert. Some idiot probably tried to smuggle something illegal into the place. I mean illegal in singapore, you're bound to get caught. You've gotta be really stupid to even try it. So the doors were all locked and we were standing outside for a good 20 minutes. Finally when they did open, things were quite smooth sailing. Wf went home directly from there and S and i got back into the bus for the last few minutes of the ride. It felt rather long, cos the bus driver dint know where the stop was. Ironic as it was the passengers had to direct him where to go. But eventually we reached golden mile n S n i said our goodbyes and i was in a cab on my way bak to nus... It was an ironic end to the trip cos i left my sweater in the cab.
To sum everything up, the trip was awesome. We had good fun shopping, eating, talking and clubbing. We learnt a lot about culture, the subtle difference between places and people, and more importantly, how to get along with each other. It was an enriching experience that has left me feeling more independent, more confident, and more capable. For a person with little self esteem, a trip like this can do wonders; more effective than shaped eyebrows. We were lucky to be safe all the while, and even though there were little glitches along the way, we lived and learned through them, and most importantly, had fun.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
ah freedom, finally
Mood: excited
Song: maybe tomorrow
Newest infatuation: vs 9 in 1 hairstyler
Secretly craving: ive got everything i need:)
Wish i were...
I wonder why women put themselves through the pain of plucking out eyebrow hair. i mean, if no one did it, it wouldnt make a diff so everyone would be beautiful. but no, human beings are vain and they take great pleasure in making themselves a tad bit more pretty than they already are. who am i to complain. i do the same thing.
so anyway after the 10 minutes of torture i feel more confident and honestly, i feel good about myself. the next item on my vain list is the vs 9 in 1 hairstyler. I can't seem to find a pic of it so u'll just hav to imagine this little gadget that can straighten, crimp, curl and twirl your hair. And thats just some of the things i remember, it does a whole lot more plus u get those fummy little salon clips and a comb or something. The best part yet? Its only 45$. No wonder im so bent on buying it. Ok so i shall stop advertising now... I can't wait to use it. Its beena while since ive had long hair and im sick of boring long hair. I mean long hair is cool, but i look boring with it. So thats something to perk things up :).
Yesterdays paper was ok. I mean i wasn expecting something easier but it was manageable. Although you really cant say how well u did until the results are out so im having my fingers crossed. It's really weird to have nothing to do when people are rushing about worrying about and talking about exams. So its kinda a good thing that im going to malaysia tomoro. I've been here for 2 years and i still havent been to kl so its about time eh... Im kinda excited. Although to most people its a mundane thing, (i bet sibu island would have been a more adventurous) but theres always that element of adventure wherever you may end up going. Plus its an all girl thing so we're bound to have a good time.
So lets dramaticise this:
When tomoro dawns, ill be off... on a bus to kl... *anticlimax*
Okies me off to do laundry... :)
Monday, November 21, 2005
transition
Mood: im actually happy
Song: teardrop
Newest infatuation: my history text book
Secretly craving: sour mangoes and chilli
Wish i were... sleeping
Sometimes i wonder why i let people walk all over me and trample me. I like to please people, within my limits, and i have the biggest vice of never being able to say 'no'. It's brought me into a lot of shit, and makes me feel terrible about myself cos no one really appreciates the fact tht i care therefore i do.
So then why do i try to make a drunk fren look a bit more decent by removing his glass from the pic? Especially if its an unappreciated effort? I've known the dude for quite a while, and i always feel this way... completely taken for granted. Yet, i still choose to please. I think its about time i stop getting angry with myself and doing wat i want to do. It's not worth the trouble and the pain. The worst feeling in this world is to feel completely unappreciated. And people who make you feel like that deserve a smack in the face.
But i guess this is coupled with jealousy. I mean transitions occur all the time, you expect them to too. But, when they happen you gotta take it with a pinch of salt. Hopefully, whether everything turns out ok or not, you're gonna be the same person. Its not ur life thats in jeopardy, so dont worry. Plus, its an interesting event that draws too many parallels to ur own life. Especially the receiving end. Lets just hope the irony stops there.
Since i really dont talk much about people, and the main issues of my weirdness these days ARE indeed people, ive got nothing more to say.
Friday, November 18, 2005
from athens to florence
Song:
Newest infatuation: its still House
Secretly craving: im actually satisfied :-s
Wish i were... in a land of peace
Sometimes you get the feeling that there is no real choice. For example in my history paper i only felt capable of answering one question. But i HAD to answer 2. So obviously i chose the question that i felt more capable of answering.
When you choose a leader, your pretty much in the same position. Most of the time because you don't know how the guys gonna turn out. But you gotta choose anyway... so how do u choose? When you're in deep shit its never easy to get out of it. Its always gonna be a task, like the essay you gotta write. You take the choice that best suits the situation and your capabilities. In the case of choosing leaders, theres another dimension; leaders can talk. When they talk, they usually tell us what we want to hear, because only then can they get what they want. But true leaders, tell you what you NEED, and then theyll tell you what they plan to do to achieve this. Life's never easy, and when you're in deep shit you need a plan. We can go back to the essay... you can only think of writing a decent essay if you have a plan, and you can have a decent plan only if you know something about the topic you want to write.
So why then in these desperate times do we go looking for a person who's gonna give you wat u want, and not wat u NEED? Life's never easy. You gotta sort out problems from the root. You can't get your way by going over the surface. When you have no money how on earth do u plan to give subsidies? Before thinking of a better life, you've gotta get your team bak on their feet.
The whole episode has been disappointing. It just shows how much patriotism you have. When theres a choice for a better world, you screw it up with a choice thats better for you.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
coward | me myself and insi
Song: teardrop
Newest infatuation: HOUSE M.D.
Secretly craving: fries
Wish i were... in a farway land in a faraway place where everything was sweet... and sour...
OK so this is how i take the shit. Get trampled with my spleen spewed across the floor. The indignity and the shame of such an act. But oh well, somethings do infact change. People u care about may not care about u anymore, and maybe they direct the care somewhere else. Its never easy to be replaced. And we all know that. Its the insecurity and the bitterness of the fact that someone may actually be better at this than you are. Smart people can admit to their ignorance or their deficiencies. Arrogant ones gnaw themselves away at the thought that someone out there is and may be trying to be like you. But these fears are unfounded. Theyre merely concoctions of your overworked or underworked mind. Whatever it maybe, we're still human. What differentiates the good from the bad are the ones who are able to care about peopl other than themselves for a change. To me i think thats one move in the righter direction.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
calvin my dear....
Mood: determined
Song: silence
Newest infatuation: calvin and hobbes (more like a rennaisance)
Secretly craving: fries
Wish i were...a superstar! :P
my dear calvin,
we have too many things in common with each other. i demand u to lay down your quest to become more like me and try to remain the ninkampoop of a kid u always were... wait thats being me too!
no wonder you don't exist anymore *sob sob*....
i miss you nonetheless...
your everloving,
susie/hobbes/insi
(PS: who the F**** is insi?)
Monday, November 14, 2005
blank
Song: ballad pour adeline
Newest infatuation: jealousy
Secretly craving: raw mangoes
Wish i were...someone special.
I think i sound ungrateful. But i feel this way anyway. I've the most amazing best friend in the world who i know i can always depend on. But life is not all that rosy. Its crazy to have such an amazing best friend who makes your worries all go away.
I end making myself the loser through my jealousy, battering my own self confidence and self worth. Maybe i should look at the brighter things.. like life itself, and who ive become. Bickering doesn help. Neither does jealousy.
Lets get back to the real world. Of books that look and weigh like bricks... of books that make no sense.. merely strings of words trying to tell you somethin abt a place ull never really know...
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Procrastination
Procrastination is a strange phenomenon. It often seems to be a good way of making life more enjoyable (by delaying unpleasant responsibilities) but inevitably backfires to make things more difficult and stressful. And it is a rare individual that escapes the dark hand of procrastination. Many people struggle for years to free themselves from its chains in order to achieve academic success, fulfilling relationships, a clean house, or a muscular body.
Most people understand that they will feel better once their duties are done, but the human brain is infinitely complex and procrastination is not an easy monster to beat. It is not necessarily the result of laziness or lack of self-discipline, but can be rooted in a multiplicity of causes. And determining why you procrastinate is the best way to eradicate it from your list of habits. Once you've learned why you put things off, you can deal with the real issues at hand and finally learn to face work and school, deal with relationships, tackle household chores, and face personal issues head on. With a good attitude, faith, and perseverance, this is a battle that can be won!
Tendency to procrastinate | |
Your score = 37 |
According to this test, you have a slight tendency to procrastinate. If you are generally happy with the outcome and quality of your work and don't feel extra stress from this habit, there is no need to change. But if you would like to lessen the anxiety in your life or become more productive and efficient, consider working towards eradicating procrastination! Check out the tips below for some advice on how to tackle your tendency to put things off.
- Don't be discouraged by setbacks. Realize that you are human and try again.
- Estimate the amount of time you think it will take you to complete a task, then increase that amount by 100%.
- Visualize how much easier it is to do a job in smaller chunks. If you do it bit by bit, it will be done painlessly before you know it.
- Announce your goals to family and friends. This will put some pressure on you to actually do what you claim. Post your goals on the fridge, around your workspace...
- Give yourself rewards for jobs completed.
Friday, November 11, 2005
dejected and depressed
Song: silence
Newest infatuation: fries
Secretly craving: chocolate
Wish i were...famous, outgoing, popular, cool, smart, focused, lucky, rich...
ok well things really aren;t going too well. i mean my lifes great and all but i lack that something thats going to make me a future. the something that everyone else seems to have but i dont.
i dont even know what the next step in my life is going to be. graduate. work. and then study again. or just go through till the end and then work... i really have no idea wat i should do. even if i do work, what am i going to do... will i even be eligible for a decent job...
life after school has gotten depressing. no one cares about u anymore. you dont have time to make friends. they just want to work ur butt and ur head off. so once that is over, where to? the competition doesnt suit all, it works badly on some of us. theyve got to know that some of us do indeed have potential, but it shows in different ways, or more like it doesnt show under pressure. sigh but the problem is, in the real world, you gotta look after urself. no ones gonna bother about how you feel. i just hope God has a plan for me.
for now i think ill just try to crawl out of my depression and enjoy the essay im going to write, and be thankful for all the things ive been blessed with, instead of being green over what i dont have. life has a promise. ill just have to see it.
timewaster
Song:silence
Newest infatuation:sleep
Secretly craving:ice cream
Wish i were...at home
now that theres a lull in everythig, although there shouldnt be, im sleepy sleepy sleepy. i should be studying. i should be writing an essay. reading atleast. but no im just waiting and watching and BLOGGING!! such timewaster.
ok me off..
i just realised that theres a REAL world out there...
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
a day in the life...
Song: where is my mind? - the pixies
Newest infatuation: chiang mai mango salad at thai express
Secretly craving: raw mangoes and chilli
Wish i were...at a beach resort...
so much for an HR test/exam or whatever it was. design submission was ok. kinda pissed at myself for coming up with a smaller model, but im happy atleast i had it. I was so sick and tired of the design, i couldnt possibly go thru the same process again (the truth of the matter, i was screwed cos i had run out of time, i had a model there only through the grace of God). Tomorrows the critique, im first up in line to be shot down. I hope this way there are lower expectations and so i can take an easier dose of pain.
But todays food was awesome. i stuffed myself to the max i found it hard to walk... as if id never seen food before! plus i was crying my eyes out too!!! but thais the way to go. the mango salad reminded me of the acharu i love from home... but it was awesome in its own right.
theres a sudden lull in everything thats going on. everyone around me is tense about exams. i should be tense too. ive hardly been the bookish type this semester. but im cool.
then comes the thought of the next semester. i figure i owe myself a better design, since it would be my last. i HAVE to make a 1:100 model. i HAVE to have nice panels. i wanna leave with a bang, in my own heart atleast. after that i have no idea whats in store. the future is a scary place. uncertainties, dislikes, competencies and all that. maybe i should try to take up photography or something. it might be more satisfying. writing maybe. or even history. (history is a very engaging subject, had i stumbled upon it earlier in life, i mite not even be in architecture school) But all in all i want to make something useful out of my life in a way that i can be useful... to give my best, and i still haven't found my area of expertise. i'm beginning to feel that it doesnt exist. maybe i should tap into something new, perhaps photography. a back up plan is always useful.
i have dreams and aspirations, the things i want to do after i graduate... the places i want to go... but they all seem limited. :( perhaps its my negative attitude that has always kept me back. the close mindedness that dint let me see further than my own two eyes. jealousy creeps in n i think of the would have beens had i not been so stuck up. or perhaps id like to blame it on external situations. but whos to blame for those, except me and myself?
so when it comes to the question of giving up architecture, i can't bear to go through with it. I've developed an attachment to it, its become a part of me. But its saddening to feel so hopeless in this feild. somehow i don't see myself being succesful at it. perhaps it is my negative attitude again workin on me, showing me the impossible only. the possible lies behind the haze of the negativity. i hope it clears. i want to make a decision. the real world i waiting. i need answers... im still looking for the questions
Friday, November 04, 2005
food glorious food
i bought enough food to feed an entire family. *greed*
but its prolly gonna last me till nite...
the menu is,
rice, chicken n cabbage.
veggie salad.
guava with salt.
orange juice.
the kind lady at the canteen gave me some murruku for snacks. at the rate im eating, im bound to gain all the weight ive so proudly lost. :(
breakfast was no light issue either.. cake cake fruit fruit and milo. i seem to follow the principle of 2 goods cancel 2bads... im disillusioned.
ok thats my set of discordant sentences for today. till my brain switches on to real life mode (as similar to ur life) i shall try to be more educated.
but who the hells gonna care anyway! :)
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
newest music crush
its the artist im talking about.
check him out now if you haven't. constellations is a good place to start.
laka ukulele!
so this is me...
Your positive traits: You're very tuned into your lover's feelings - and always doing something caring. Sweetness - you're the most romantic person your parnter has ever met. You get easily swept away and are a total delight to fall in love with. Your negative traits: You are super duper sensitive and find it hard to get out of a sad mood. It's difficult for you to tell your sweetie no, even when you should. You often tell your partner what they want to hear, instead of being honest. Your ideal partner: Is straight from a fairy tale - the man or woman of your dreams Is a total romantic, with an artistic or creative side Loves to express their love to you, in all sorts of unique ways Your dating style: Dreamy. You like traditional romantic dates, like picnics in the park and candlelight dinners. Your seduction style: Fearless - you try what your parnter suggests, no matter how unusual. Loving. You'll take your pleasure second, if necessary. Internal. A lot of your enjoyment takes place within your head. Tips for the future: Be more realistic. Your romantic ideal is nice, but it may just not happen. Let go of your fear of rejection - it's holding you back from being with your true love. Open yourself up to a new love. The person you think you want make not be the one.. |
*
i wrote an entire post with the spirit and sarcasm that i usually show when im pissed off. but it got lost somewhere on blogger (and surprisingly i dint get pissed off then) and is now simply nothingness. the anger has worn away...more like the essay is finally done!
to the next phase. design. i pray for strength and courage. and hope that my motivation wont falter. if you already know me, you'll know why i pray and hope so hard. it takes divine intervention for u to see these qualities in me.
"The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen."
-Frank Lloyd Wright
Monday, October 31, 2005
history
after that, design it is..
desgin design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design design
i take back the flower post
(SOMEONE JUST MANAGED TO PISS ME OFF)
Sunday, October 30, 2005
something i should learn to live by....
"I don't wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to work."
-Pearl S. Buck
Saturday, October 29, 2005
The Procrastinator's Creed:
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.
8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.
13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.
the little things
"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change."
-Buddha
the last mile...
procrastination is killing me. so is my english. long-windedness is blowing me over. writing history essays shouldnt be this difficult. from somethin exciting it has turned into a mundane article for a school text book.facts. facts. facts. facts. so there you go. im stressed cos i cant write and im taking too much time for it.
talking about time. i have to finish cadding out my design in exactly 2 days. 2 days for panels and 1 day for printing n material buying and organising my process folio.. finally 3 days for model making... inbetween all of this i have to celebrate eid, go to mosque, visit friends and try hard to have the fun i want to. so basically timing sucks, but its definitely not as bad as last year.
honestly, today i don't feel like being a bitch. it takes too much effort to come out with something to scold the world for. i guess thats a face i put on when im pissed off. but now im not pissed off. just apathetic. slightly excited about my design, and mostly apprehensive. the clock keeps ticking, and theres only so much work you can do in a day...
"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that the stuff life is made of."
-Benjamin Franklin
Friday, October 28, 2005
as tomorrow becomes yesterday
hence i am here. i just want to shout out!
i love what i'm doing, then why can't i do it. i can envision what it is going to be. but getting down to it is like pushing this huuuuuge mountain.... and i give up before i start.
that is the ultimate loser speech.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
inbetween worlds
who are u? where are u from?
what benefits you?
get bak to work. stop wasting time.
=)
weird and supernatural,
till i see u in the other dimension
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
shout when you're pissed, and ONLY when you're pissed!
Apart from my medical history, life is catching up on me. Fiercely this time. I realised i can't leave it behind. I needed an escape, but escape just adds to ever-piling heap of shit that keeps collecting beyond the brick wall.
No I am NOT antisocial in nature indeed. But i can be antisocial at will. The term 'will' is used broadly. It covers the aspects of my mental and physical states. When these states are in an abnormal phase, namely when they are pressurised and are at work on seemingly uneccessary projects and assignments that are done merely because they need to be done in the shortest time possible, (im outta breath now) and not because they WANT to be done, my will commands my whole self to be antisocial. But under normal circumstances where i am usually happy and floating around in the summer air (it is strictly a metaphor, i do not have the physical buoyancy to float... oh and theres no summer/winter distinction here) i am far from antisocial. Sadly my mental and physical abilities are pressurised for a major part of the year, and hence i think i earn the 'antisocial' label.
Well what the hell and wtf (i try not to use explicit language), if you wish to judge my nature for yourself, go ahead.
Now that ive screamed and gotten over with my own problems....
Will the lady who talks about her pahtetic sex-life and sticky situations over the phone in the hall corridor, please leave those gruesome details to yourself. We (i speak on behalf of humanity) do not want to hear of the tragic fate of your poor partner. (i wonder what fuse in his brain shortcircuited and bade him to perform such acts with u, but thats another essay on its own, and im overdoing the bitching about other people in my blog so i shall quit)
So i say to humanity (or the 0.0001% of the internet population that accidently visit this site) Thank you, for lending me your ears, your eyes or whatever! Those who are dedicated to wasting their time on the internet (like me) please be faithful to your occupation and visit this utterly useless website.
Till im pissed, mad and suicidal again...
i love you all!
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
freakin hell!! im goin home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but theres yet one more year of torture. some how ONE year doesnt sound that bad. and come to think of it, im startin to really love what im doing.
i hav it all planned out in my head. im gonna learn to cook. maybe set the kitchen on fire in the process, but yeah im gonna atleast try to learn to cook. (i really hope my mom doesnt read this) perhaps i should consider insurance first...
other than havin this on my agenda, i really have no idea what the hell im gonna do!! unlike all the successful students whove planned out internships etc, im gonna end up rotting at home, even worse, ill turn into a potato... o wait im already one! the prospect of going home, however enticing when ur lonely and all messed up with uni, kinda dwindles when it really is time to go home. mainly because i thnk im spendin the wrong times in the wrong place. home is a great place to study, but the hols are meant to be away from home. so by making the decision to really get out here and study, i kinda turned my life around. altho being away from home is utterly depressing at times, ive got no regrets. its bin a whole good heartwarming experience topped with a lotta shit. but hey, atleast i know wat lifes all abt.
like i just couldnt wait to get outta school (for reasons im not willing to talk about) i just cant wait to get outta uni... the prospect of going into a new phase in life is always a bonus.... but after workin, the next phase is drastic. that shall be discussed in the next century.
gosh all the mushy crap. i need to post a model home. i hope it fits into the box.
i bet your stunned, dearies its a cardboard model of a house ive come to love. aki is a completely different universe...
so much for talkin to the nothingness of the internet. come to think of it 101010101101001010101
(i have absolutely no idea wat that means)
Monday, May 16, 2005
...
Sunday, May 08, 2005
the greener side of life
lost.
i've got the "i just dun want to do anything" syndrome. a million things to sort out before i actually have a vacation. ive been longing for one.
but then i know that im gonna be bored in the vacation. because i still dont have anything to do. 2.5 months of nothingness. the only thing that makes me want to go home is because it IS home and i miss home so much.
its not as if i like stayin on my own either. but just that id like to be a little less dependant at home. but its so unsafe in that country that i have no choice but to be dependant. which makes life freakin boring after a point. but nothing beats going home.
full of contradictions. i want everything that i dont have. chronic "grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome. the best song to describe me right now would be side by travis. i just dunno wat to do.
this blog is boring me.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
of lift shafts and waste management
UNTIL the adventures through the airconditioning ductwork became more interesting...
ya rite. but so much for the exam. i can officially replace the plumber, electrician and garbage collector.
so getting back to real life. i really cant decide whether i should go on the exchange thing or not. i mean its really difficult to make a decision with only half the facts. plus there are so many things to do in the near future..."life is full of uncertainties"... sorry babe but i need to plan my holidays so hurry up with the facts.
since its already the end of sem there are sooo many things i want to do! i miss the beach. i need a proper adventure. i miss the thrill of life.
dammit. that was a dream. back to the real world. SSTUDYY!
Monday, May 02, 2005
how many crazee people exist in this world?
ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS? ya rite. thanks for being the first person to vote.
gosh. i must really be crazee.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
where are you when i need you most?!!
where the hell are my freaking brains???
the last time i checked,(about 2 years ago) they were still intact and in perfectly working order. infact they ran above the usual mileage. but, dear brains, now that im in college i'd really appreciate if you'd return.
wait a minute, you say theres nothing in there that will help me? what the hell. so what if ive gone off the beaten track. so what if im not going crazy in a physics class! im still going crazy with building science!
OK that was enough drama.
But i havent exactly been performing well in uni. i admit its new ground. something totally different from what ive been doin (and good at btw) all my life. so now its a taste of struggles and challenges. BUT i hate it when people just file you into the NOT SO SMART category. it gets on my nerves cos it has a negative effect on my brains capabilities. (the freakin internet is another cause, but hey i need some support here!)
well wattodo. life sucks. i betta buck up and slog all the way till friday. God help me.
all i need is a miracle.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
melting in the heat
impossible to study anything in this weather. but theres no choice. *U GOTTA STUDY GURL*
submitted all the forms today. was so nervous that i wouldnt get the statements in time. but all was ok. now i only hope that the outcome and everything else is ok. i really have to graduate next year. I CANT TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS!
*ok its not so bad, but i thnk its an utter waste of time to extend my stay here for one module only*
hmm.. that sounds cryptic...
the gecko is still here. i dunno which one i killed before. yucky creatures. go away!
and btw, if i know u and u know me, i haven't told you about this website BECAUSE i believe that theres more freedom in lamenting, groaning and bitching to no one or people you dont know. it becomes therapeutic. *no i do not bitch about my friends, but i don't tell them im crazy either* lol
back to the trees that were once killed to make the paper that i print my notes on. this and CO2 are a few of the causes cause of global warming. so for heaven's sake please replace the trees and stop breathing!
Monday, April 25, 2005
apparition
i look like a ghost. almost feeling like one. the dark circles will soon be my trademark. ive become an insomniac.
im probably cursed.
soon ill be hearing voices in my head. and probably start talking to myself. or worse. talking to people who are not there.
*take the advice gurl! get outta ur room while u can! pray for heavens sake.*
i wish i were normal.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
change
webcasts are boring. sleep inducing.
a million things to do. decisions to make. questions to ask.
my first independant step.
adulthood.
Friday, April 22, 2005
utamamadyanista gentien mandala chakra
antisocial. irritated. perhaps angry.
and probably allergic to my room.
paper was not ok.
i write like a ten year old. i look like a thirty year old.
im starting to forget my real age.
i feel very nista now. (people who don't know sanscrit don't bother to ask me. i dont know either.) sigh if only i'd known. guessing aint healthy here.
i wish i was at home. i miss the laid back lifestyle. the rasthyadu and the sweaty heat. it has character.
the air here is filled with dust.
there are so many places i would like to go to. lunuganga. anuradhapura. galle. just stop by any gama on the way. experience a new place.
stop dreaming. that aint gonna happen.
back to real life. i thnk ive become a pretty rustic person. i dont think i had such a strong asian spirit in me before. but it has grown. you learn to love what you miss. and u appreciate it. i wasnt acquainted with the village before, but now i have a longing to know how life would be in it. the stillness of the nite. the peace. mingled with the fear of darkness. oblivion to the rat race. happiness thru the minima. i dont think i can live there forever, but its something id like to know. something away from commercialisation. i wonder if i would be accepted there tho. since i dont exactly look native.
wish there was something new to do.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
...sigh
and then theres the freakin trojan... it appeared from nowhere while i was watchin the lecture... gosh prolly its from sch... :| highly unlikely tho. i have a weird feelin it has something to do with the blog *grave music*
its pathetic to see how computer dependent we have become. i can't even write neatly anymore. and i get upset over a blog! freakin hell... i better get bak to the real world.... ironically, that is webcast! *sigh*
what have we become.
exterminating the bends
the bends keep playing in my head. even when i try to concentrate on SEAarchi. THIS IS A SIGN. shut off the damn musik. its a matter of a coupla days (ya rite... over a week!)
k since tomoro is another auspicious day, (hence we have an exam) i should get bak to the lectures... thank god for webcast! i'd be dead without em!
i need to wake up now. no more bends.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
frooti
i cant remeber the last time i had it.
memories from the past. the artificial taste of mango. hahah. i've got a silly exam tomoro and this is wat im upto!
haha..